One of the hardest things is when you get back on the horse after you have sat on the sidelines for a year and a half. It’s funny when you are young , you have so many dreams. Some people fight for the dream and some plain just give up. They pull their door shut , sit their ass on the couch and wait for their number to come up. They watch stupid shows and play games on the computer and then they let their appearances go to hell. They no longer care about their looks , let their hair get straggly and grey. I have been a witness to people like that and then I say I ever get like that , shoot me!!!
In the course of writing for this blog, I have went to a ton of plays. i have also interviewed a handful of celebrities talking about their jobs and their passion. I stand along the Red Carpet and remind myself that once upon a time I wanted this. I see the actors and hear the music, and think that this once was the fireworks in my life. I also realized something last week , their is still a lot of life and dreams left in this old soul. I don’t want to be my age and my body follows that advice. I want to be that one woman who makes the front cover of the magazine. I want to be the one who is interviewed and sits on the couch with Jimmy Kimmel and Jimmy Fallon telling stories of when things weren’t so good. I want to walk into those stores on Michigan Avenue or Rodeo and buy the designer things I crave. I want to have designer gowns and go to award shows. I want to get goodies from the gifting suite at Sundance. No, there is more than shopping at thrift stores and riding public transportation with ignorant , smelly people. No ! No ! No!
50 is no longer fatal…in fact it is sensual and youthful. Why look at Tony Goldwyn. He is 56 years old, plays such a sexy character, and has basically gone through a renaissance of his career that he thought (and the public) was dead. He and other actresses in my range like the superb Viola Davis, the powerful Bellamy Young , and the versatile Taraji P Henson are my idols. Actors like Matthew Perry and Matt LeBlanc revive their careers in their late 40’s.They inspire as well as entertain.
On Saturday, I went on my first audition in a year and half. I have made attempts, but they were always with false starts. I do not consider extra work acting, any idea can be paid to stand behind the actors and make them look prettier than they are. You can call me a snob, but I didnt study acting as long as I did to just stand behind some actor when I have had as much training as them. Extras are no more than scenery. I got the audition and then I studied the monologues I considered . Finally, I decided to go save and rework a piece that had gotten me a role in a movie. Linda Bloodworth Thompson wrote a beautiful speech for Delta Burke’s character on “Designing Women.” It talked about a woman who was looking back on her life and realizing that she saw things one way and others saw it a different way. It was perfect. I went in , nervous yes, but I have to say that the old fire was returning. The energy was up and I kicked ass.
It remains to be seen if I get this role or not. That isn’t what matters. What matters is that I took that dive back into the water. I took that chance and learned from it. If I do , I will know that I did an excellent job and they saw something. If I didn’t , I will know that I have work to do and somewhere out there is someone who appreciates me. Bobby Deniro said that an audition was an opportunity to perform in front of audience. I guess that I am back on the road again. So to Mr. Goldwyn, don’t be surprised if you and I are working together in the future. Then maybe, I will interview you for my blog.